Saturday, July 11, 2009
sometimes i feel like i cant live up t the expectations that others impose on me. i'm trying but rly, there're no promises; no guarantee. i cant foresee whatever that'll happen so i rly dont know. it's so confusing for me sometimes because i cant enjoy what i can enjoy now. sooner or later, i will think further, of whatever that is happening & whatever that WILL happen. and thinking of what might/will happen makes me scared that i might screwup. i cant help but to think abt th problems and i feel so, suffocated, it sort of tears me apart. OKAY maybe not tt exaggerating but it troubles me, a lot a lot a lot. ): i just dont wna disappoint others but in the process, i might disappoint myself. i feel so, ugh now. but i guess, i cant rly complain to anyone because ive learnt not to already. it's like, i reached a stage of not having the need of saying anth already cause whats the pt of complaining (altho it makes me feel better) and knowing that i cant change things anyway.
but on a lighter note, i kayaked today! with xinyi melvin wenyao (: initially th weather was quite bad & my mom was so worried tht i might get kayakwrecked at kallang today. but i told her, "DONT WORRY! wenyao is a lifesaver (i mean literally)" HAHAHAH. and since i have the lifejacket, it's rather safe already. but anywayz, MY WHOLE HAND IS ACHING NOW. notice it isnt 'arm', it's my 'hand'. it feels like, one million horses are pulling my hand apart. SO SUPER PAINFUL i wna scream.
but kayaking was fun!!! initially i shared a siton kayak with xy and HEEHEE we not bad leh we got coherence and we move v fast (: HAHHA and we left melvin kong behind. wenyao is pro la so he zoom far ahead. hahaha then i wanted to try the boys' single kayak. HAHAH it's soo super light the wind blow i v fast change direction alr. so it's rly super difficult to go straight ahead. and there were so many canoeists around. SUPER SCARY & PRESSURIZING when i keep bumping into them. i was stranded seriously, trying super hard to get away from the canoesists. :S wah can you imagine if they are dragonboaters? i think my kayak capsize & sink nobody will ever know.
so xy was in another single kayak out alone and the 3 of us were at the back chatting. and suddenly we heard xy's loud scream HAHAHHAHAHA so funny!!! at first i thought she was ABOUT t capsize so she scream but HAHAHHAHA SHE RLY CAPSIZE ALREADY. hahahhahahahhahahha i tell you the 3 of us were at the back laughing until our stomach capsize cause her rxn SUPER FUNNY. she was like, struggling to hold th capsized kayak w all her might. i wanted t go help her but my single kayak kept gg around in its own circle & i was trying so hard to unlaugh but my stomach so pain from all the laughter! so the 2 guys went to rescue her instead. HAHAHAHHA. xy you're SUPER CUTE!!!!!! omymy. so funny okay. even when the guys were zooming over t help her, she was still shouting, "rescue me lah! i think i'm stranded! help me please help me! i hate to be in this position! i'm alone!" HAHAHAHHAHAH
OH ANYWAYZ melvin kong was th first to capsize. this one another funny fella. 5mins in th water he capsize already HAHAHAHHAH. so anywayz, we jsut keep switching kayaks and doing capsizing. i didnt want to capsize cause i dont wna get myself too wet! but while i was chatting w xy the 2 boys went to capsize my kayak okayeeeeee. for an instant i didnt know i capsized & started breathing in th water. and i realised my leg was caught in th kayak okaye i so scared i will drown and die. idiots yknow. scare the crap out of me. HAHAH but it's so funnnnnnnnnnnnnn i wna kayak again okaye! hahahahha
once, melvin kong & mwy kept splashing water into my kayak omymy i think my whole single kayak was submerged in water. thankfully xy rescued me and used her paddle to block out the water from the toots.
aft tht when we were almost done, mwy & xy were far out doing the single kayak while melvin & i were waiting for them. stupid makong decided to add more water into my kayak HAHAHAH THE WHOLE KAYAK EXCEPT ME WAS SUBMERGED IN WATER HAHAHHA i didnt know tht such a thing could happen so funny. it's like, I WAS SITTING ON WATER. but oopz, too much water alr, i started to sink HAHAH. so fun okay!! go try go try!!
& i'm so accident prone. today i tripped more than twice and i got smashed in the face by mwy's capsized kayak okay. so painful sure got blue-black. and tht xy can still relaxly sit on th kayak and laugh HAHAHAHA. okay i laughed too so funny. aft tht melvinkong's double kayak hit my head. TT IDIOT. i tell him to go away about four trillion times cause im helping mwy do th capsize drill he wna stick close to his gf's kayak and come smash my head. i know you love your gf muchmuch but think of your gf's bestfriend can? HAHAHHA
and God held the rain for us okay!! hahaha! we prayed for good weather & it was so sunny when we were kayaking for th 2 hours but aft we're done, it started to drizzle. so miraculous okay! (:
wy drove us to vivo for dinner @ carls junior. FATFATFAT. i so full now i cannot sleep. so im gna take my time to fall asleep today. roamed around vivo and we went to national geog. we were so amused w th photos & artpieces i think we stayed super long there. HAHA. ohman today so fun so fun i wna do more kayaking although my hand hurts crap now. ): GO TRY YAH!
cause where i am right now, so unforgiving, it's numbing everything.
won't you keep my secret for me? 11.7.09
