Saturday, May 30, 2009
lol. i deleted my earlier post cause i felt that i was talking gibberish on my blog. heehee, i felt so dizzy ytd i cldnt even blog properly. the events were pretty much mixed up & i think it was so, erm, haphazard & not done whole-heartedly. so i decided to do a better one today cause im feeling way better now as compared to ytd.
ytd i spent my day with ys. it started off pretty well. woke up very early to meet him for a very early breakfast. 8am? hahhaa. was pretty much tired but i managed to reach earlier. ate at BK and had a rather okay breakfast except for some stupid potato side dish or sth. yknow the thing now with $$ is that, i dont wna waste it cause it seems pretty hard to get by esp when i dont have a job now. and im earning my own expenses. AND i dont wna spend it all cause i wna save up. so no matter how much i disliked breakfast, i have to finish it. haha
bussed to hort park/mount faber. it was a very long way up, walking up tht silver bridge thing. very tiring. we took a break somewhere up cause we felt so sticky & wet. i think i complained quite a lot cause it was rly very hot man. finally reached the bus stop and bussed 145 down to vivo ct. ate at subway (then again, i refuse to waste $$ but i rly cant finish it so i eat until im bloated) and we went to catch terminator. hmmmm a pretty nice show. the cinema was cold. the seats were cramped i felt like an old woman when i stood up. my whole body feels numb&rigid. ugh.
acc ys for his dinner at some coffeeshop but i didnt eat cause i wasnt feeling well. THEN, i had a fever. i was quite worried that i might pass it to ys and other innocent people. heehee, but i think i worry too much. i was so scared i cant attend sho's party as well. i'll miss seeing the tanneries if i miss the party. i felt horribleeeeee. very. but i tried not to show it, but i think i failed anyway. decided to cab home and ithink the cabdriver got quite worried/scared cause i called my mom t tell her i got a fever HAHAH. if im not wrong, he ignored the red light once hahah joke man.
went to the docs & he prescribed some medicine. and it's quite scary cause there were many other sick people as well. mymy. get well soon sick people! and the thing abt getting sick now is that, even if you dont have the swine flu, and you're sick for a rather long period of time, you gotta get admitted anyhow. so my mom was quite worried that i might be hospitalised. actuallaye i was also quite scared. i dont wna get poked by those needles and i dont want to stay in a hospitallllllll. WHO WANT MAN? lol asking the obvious. but ys was rly v nice & patient today.
today i just slacked at home the whole day. eat sleep watch tv and the cycle repeats. i take occasional naps now & then cause the medicine makes me drowsy and the headaches come now & then. somehow, i felt horrible ytd. cause, of some reasons i dont wna disclose. & the fever kicked it in.
have you ever felt like, you really tried your best in doing something but you just cant seem to help? idk the feeling sucks somehow. the things i wna say, sometimes dont come out right. or the words just dont help. it makes me feel worth-'
less'. and practically a white elephant. it only gives me a sign that i'm not the one whos supposed to do the talking at all. eeeyer i hate the feeling of being of no help at all. or even worse, make things worse. so now, i think, i'll just stay neutral & help only when i'm needed (: cause no one is indispensable in this world. it's true. you cant deny that.
i've heard enough of 'you're indispensable' or 'no one can replace you'. haha, i might have believed so but now, i'm not so sure if that's true anymore. sometimes, reality checks just kick in at some part of your life. and you just gotta brave it. :DD
i accept it, willingly & graciously.
faith & desire at the swing of your hips :DD
won't you keep my secret for me? 30.5.09
